Positive Consultation at Minaki High school Jan 19, 2019.

Building and Nurturing student's careers team of Mr. Jeremiah Daniel as the Project Manager,  Ibrahim Hussein, Eunice Jonas and Lightness Nova successful managed to conduct their first 2019 event at Minaki High school located at Kisarawe in Pwani Region.

Reach your dreams was the theme of the event. We kindly use this opportunity to the school administration and Positive Consultation Team lead by our Administrative Manager Merryrehema Shechambo and our partners decided to join us from  SAYAVI Organization and YALI.

      Together we shared and discussed with the students a lot on how to build a great foundation to an impressive Future.

       "If was blissful experience that I will apply to my studies and I will use to my life and studies, Thanks for coming" one of the students Quoted. 

"I would like to thanks God and my team we managed to handle the event well and interesting" was the words of Gratitude from Jeremiah Daniel as the project Manager who is a lawyer by professional but used to dedicate most of his time to uplift others reach their potentials to the fullest.


That's the poster of our event

Merryrehema schambo inspiring attended students.

Leaders and attended students on a group photo

Our leader Jeremiah Daniel sharing incredible Tips
We are much blessed with this work indeed.

Get closer with us, more good things are coming from us,

Contact us for more in information, suggestion and compliments.
positiveconsultationtz@gmail.com
+255764558190
www.poc.or.tz

Videos are found on YouTube: positive consultation

The Most Important Question Of Your Life

   Its almost 2018 Over and we welcome 2019 with great pleasure everywhere around the world.
    After a long year of ups and downs God has given us, we must have to be grateful for what moments we hard on this life, We as Positive consultation Team we join with everyone to celebrate this amazing opportunity.

Turning back to our business,  I'm kindly sharing with you this piece reveals very important questions about life that we should have to know them.

 Mark Manson posted it on Tuesday December 6, 2016
Do You Really Want To Be A Rockstar?
Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.
Everyone would like that — it’s easy to like that.
If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous that it doesn’t even mean anything.
We all dream of having it all but not the struggle it takes to get there.

Nothing Comes For Free
A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.
Everybody wants to have an incredible job and financial independence — but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes and obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.
Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship — but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional drama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they ask, “What was that for?” If not for their lowered standards and expectations for themselves 20 years prior, then what for?
People settle for relationships and careers and then wonder where it all went wrong.

Happiness Requires Struggle
Because happiness requires struggle. You can only avoid pain for so long before it comes roaring back to life.
At the core of all human behavior, the good feelings we all want are more or less the same. Therefore what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing to sustain.

People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.
People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.
People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It’s part of the game of love. You can’t win if you don’t play.
Sticking your head in the sand doesn’t take the hardship away.

The Quality of Negative Experiences
What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.
There’s a lot of crappy advice out there that says, “You’ve just got to want it enough!”
Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something enough. They just aren’t aware of what it is they want, or rather, what they want “enough”.
Because if you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the beach body, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of stepping on other people.
If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting it. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.
Are you willing to work to make what you want a reality even if it’s painful?

A Life-Changing Question
Sometimes I ask people, “How do you choose to suffer?” These people tilt their heads and look at me like I have twelve noses. But I ask because that tells me far more about you than your desires and fantasies. Because you have to choose something. You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns. And ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?
Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?

That answer will actually get you somewhere. It’s the question that can change your life. It’s what makes me, me, and you, you. It’s what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.
For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician — a rock star, in particular. Any badass guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage playing it to the screams of the crowd, people absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger-noodling. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. But even then it was never a question of if I’d ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when. I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then…and then nothing.
Childhood dreams don’t come true unless you put in the work to make it happen.

Reality Check
Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why: I didn’t actually want it.
I was in love with the result — the image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into what I’m playing — but I wasn’t in love with the process. And because of that, I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn’t even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.
The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit. The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It’s a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.
Our culture would tell me that I’ve somehow failed myself, that I’m a quitter or a loser. Self-help would say that I either wasn’t courageous enough, determined enough or I didn’t believe in myself enough. The start-up crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning. I’d be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.
Do you enjoy the climb or do you just want to be at the top?

Choose Your Struggles
But the truth is far less interesting than that: I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story.
I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.
Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long work weeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.
This is not a call for willpower or “grit.” This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain”.
This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. So choose your struggles wisely, my friend.

How do you feel about this article? 

My Take!👌
The way it works in reality is: if you really want something enough, you will not only endure the pain, you will learn to love it. The dream motivates you enough to keep going no matter what. And if you really want that dream, you will love whatever it is you need to go through to get there. Because success is a journey my friend, not a pain you have to endure. Or you can make an excuse that it is too hard, let fear stop you again and then back it up with
I think this is basically what they are saying. The thing is (using the author’s example), the people who end up being really great musicians are the ones who want to play every day, who don’t see it as a chore they have to do to fulfil their dream of being a good player but something they get joy from even when they’re not that good. I once heard about a famous

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I wish to you a prosperous 2019

Think positive, live better

Positive Consultation, About the International Girl Child

Mr. Jeremiah Daniel speaks on International girl child

As an organization dedicated to empower youth, Positive Consultation celebrated the international day of the girl child at the US embassy in Dar es salaam. Our project manager in nurturing student careers, Mr. Jeremiah Daniel presented key notes on improving safe environment for development of youths, mostly drawn from Mwl. Nyerere's self reliance policies.

POC believes on Nyerere's policy of education for self reliance as a solution for youth's most pressing problems such as unemployment, poverty and lack of quality education.


Mwl. Nyerere realized that young people are active to bring about changes and so they need kind of education that could enable them to create opportunities rather than seeking for opportunities (self reliant). our education systems need to consider providing education for self reliance so as to avoid problems related with lack of employment such as robbery, drug abuse and black marketing business.


Therefore as an organization, POC is dedicated to educate and promote education for self reliance to young boys and girls so as they can develop promising careers that are adaptive the changing needs of the world.

Mohammed Zegge about Insurance services

My Name is Mohamed Zegge. Founder & Director of Fahari Yetu Group and Insurance professional.
Today I will take you through Insurance in relation to Business. I hope most of member in this platform are businessman and businesswoman. Our Topic is Role of Insurance in Business
Areas to be covered:
1. Definition of Insurance.
2. Definition of risk.
3. Who business owner handle risk.
4. Insurance Interest.
5. Comercail Combined Insurance - CCI (Business Insurance)
6. Cover provided by CCI.
7. Why business needs Insurance.
By simple definition:-
Insurance  is a legal contract that transfers risk from one part known as policy holder or client to an insurance provider (Insurance company/Insurer). Or we may say is a means of transferring risk from a client to Insurance company whereby Insurance Company promise to pay loss as a result of insured peril in exchange of premium (amount payable as a price)
In every Insurance contract there must be  a specified risk to  be covered.
What is Risk?
There are several definitions of risk. One can define risk as a probability or threat of damage, injury, liability, loss, or any other negative occurrence that is caused by external or internal vulnerabilities, and that may be avoided through preemptive action.
In Finance  risk is the probability that an actual return on an investment will be lower than the expected return and results into loss Or risk is the possibility of financial loss.
In everything we do, we are facing different types of risks. Risk is inevitable but we can control them. A risk is what makes you decide whether or not you need insurance.  And  what coverage. Nature of Insurance contract is a take it or leave it contract. Since one part is willing to take risks on behalf of another part Though there is tailor-made Insurance policy. Specifically for a particular company or person basing on nature and/or need of the same.
How Business Owner Handle Risk?

Not all business owners prefer insurance as a means of controlling risk. Normally there are three types of handling risk.
i. Avoidance – Here is when a business owner chooses not to participate in an activity because of the risk involved. E.g. not to transport goods during night or not to hire a driver above 55years. This is not recommendable means of controlling risk, since you can’t avoid all risks.
ii. Retention – a business owner decides to save money in case of unexpected event E.g. opening a fixed deposit account in case of car accident or fire.
iii. Transfer - This is very common and modern way of handling risk. Risk is transferred to an insurance Company and an insurance company promises to pay its client the amount of loss suffered as a result of an insured peril. A client is not allowed to make profit from the Insurance. The aim of Insurance is to put a client in a same position as he/she was before an insured peril caused loss (financial loss).
To make things clear its illegal for a client to make profit out of Insurance.
Insurable Risks–
It is important to know that not every risk is insurable. For a risk to be insurable must have the following features:
i. The event insured must be accidental or unforeseen.
ii. There must be an insurable interest. A person must have a legal possession of the subject matter which proves that there is possibility of having financial loss.
iii. Risks must not be against public policy or law *e.g.* risk of incurring fine for criminal offense is not insurable.
Commercial combined Insurance or Business Combined Insurance
This is a tailor made policy. Not standard policy. As I said earlier, two parties come into an agreement on specific perils to be covered. Normally it include more than one Insurance cover in one policy.  Commercial combined insurance is a package policy which can be tailored to specific needs of many business types. Even companies operating in the same sector are likely to have different business models, processes, machinery, staff numbers etc., meaning their commercial combined policies will need to reflect their individual requirements.  As such commercial combined insurance is the go-to policy for warehouses, wholesalers, manufacturers, workshops, factories, importers, exporters and distributors, and more.


For example a soft drink company in Dar may exclude eathequake risk in its cover but a company of same operations in Kigoma may include earthquake risk due to nature of the environment.
Why business needs Insurance?
Does Insurance add value in a business? Is it luxury to have an Insurance? Most of business owners think having insurance to protect his business is a waste of money. But in reality insurance is one of the best and cheapest means of controlling risks facing a business.
There are few reasons to think of insurance if you are businessman.
i. It makes you look credible: - It shows your prospective clients and customers that you’re a safe. If anything goes wrong with the product or work you do for them, you have a way to compensate. It builds trust.
ii. Protects Your Employees:- Your most valuable asset is not the products or services you offer, the equipment you take so much care to maintain or even the brand you struggled for years to build. No, your most valuable asset is your employees, and it pays to protect them in the event of an accident. The law requires that you carry workers’ comp/ employer to take responsibility incase employee get illness or injury in course of work. Good employer should also consider offering disability coverage, even if you have to charge your employees for a portion of the cost. By the way, protecting your employees’ interests is also a good way to protect yours — against lawsuits or liability claims.
iii. Helps to Attract and Retain Employees: Having insurance isn’t just about protecting your business in “doom and gloom” scenarios. It can have the positive benefit of attracting and retaining qualified employees. Second to salary, job seekers look for benefits packages that include life, health, disability and long-term care insurance. If you don’t offer these, you may lose a good employee to a company that does.
iv. Legal Expenses:- We live in a litigious society. In the event of a lawsuit or liability claim, without insurance, your business could fold. One accident. One broken contract. One disgruntled employee, and it’s over. Even if you win the suit, you could go out of business due to the cost of legal defense. Rather than worry about what could happen, liability insurance can give you peace of mind, enabling you to concentrate on what truly matters — running a successful business.
v.           You Cannot Predict the Future:- No business owner has a crystal ball hidden in a closet that can predict what might happen in the future. It would be excellent if natural disasters, injuries on the job or lawsuits never occurred, but no one can guarantee that such things won’t occur. For that reason alone, it’s best to be insured.
There are few covers which are very vital to any Business.
1. Fire & allied Perils Insurance.
2. Group Personal Accident (for employees)
3. Employers Liability.
4. Plant & Machinery Breakdown.
5. Professional Indemnity (covered risks associated with a particular profession - Doctors, Engineer, Financial Advisors etc)
6. Health Insurance.
7. Motor Insurance (company vehicles)
CONCLUSION
With the proper business insurance, business owners can achieve peace of mind and focus their attention on what they do best, operating a productive, profitable and personally rewarding business for years to come.
I advise all business owners in this platform to have an Insurance for their business.
In case you need Insurance Services kindly contact me +255786-203-863
Thank you.

For more information about our activities kindly ask
positiveconsultationtz@gmail.com

Www.poc.or.tz
   Think positive live better

Personal Branding the lesson to uplift your life by Edward Shila.

Hello leaders

Its our time now
Welcome our speaker and our today teacher *EDWARD SHILA*
Greetings Leaders!
Honored to be one of the guest speakers in POSTIVE CONSULTATION (POC). Thank you James and the POC for this amazing opportunity.

As introduced by James My name is Edward Shila. A young Tanzanian who is passionate about mindset change. I have over 10 years’ experience in Sales, communication and brand management. My experience ranges from banking industry to telecom. I currently work at Vodacom as the Brand manager.

I would like to start today's session by asking a question. How many of you know what a brand is?

"Brand is something unique that make something marketable or noticeable
Brand is an identification that helps either visually or otherwise for customers to understand, learn and interpret the product one is serving"

Yes yes! Correct. You are all right.

A brand is a name, term, design, symbol, or other feature that distinguishes an organization or product from its rivals in the eyes of the customer. Brands are used in business, marketing, and advertising.
        Name brands are sometimes distinguished from generic or store brands.
Vodacom & Tigo are both examples of brands. Both give almost similar service but it is the brand that helps you as the consumer choose which network you want to get your service from. Right?

Brands are not only limited to organizations. Even you are a brand. I am Brand Edward. There are some qualities that are specific to me and make me stand out. As an individual, it’s important that you take control of your brand because it what people will here, see and talk about.

Yes. When people hire you they hire you because of your brand. If you are an entrepreneur people buy your products they are buying your brand

You are what I would like to call *Brand You*
As you take control of Brand You below are the things that define your personal brand.

1. Your look
The saying don’t judge a book by its cover only applies on paper. In the real world people will judge you by your appearance. It’s important you invest in your look. You can be intelligent but if you have a smelly mouth, body odor or shabbily dressed people will not want to hear what you have to say. A good look is confidence booster. It makes you feel like you can concur it all.
Invest on how you look and personal grooming
Look good. Smell good. Feel good
Remember that last time you looked good? Didn’t you feel more confident? How receptive and positive people were to you?
Have you ever gone to a shop and you were shabbily dressed and the attendant didnt even pay attention to you?
Ukabaki kukasirika na kusema usinichukulie poa. Haya mavazi tu
This is very interesting that means I have to be smart in everywhere, talking, wearing, etc👏

2. The Friends you keep

The friends you keep define who you are. Someone would be learn a lot about who you are through your friends. It would be very rare for you to be the last in class if all your friends are intelligent. ‘You get influenced by the company you keep. We cannot choose our family, but we can choose our friends. Choose a friend who will challenge you that way you are gaining more than just the companionship.
As the saying goes, show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.
If your friends are thieves people will also think you are a thief. It does not matter if you are or not
And in most cases your friends influence the person you will become. You cant have friends that have funny characters without you picking up some of the characters

3. Places you go

Places you go to influence your brand in two ways. One, it will ultimately influence the people you meet and interact with regularly and two it paints a picture of who you are.  Avoid places that will give a wrong impression of your brand and where people that you don’t want your brand to be associated with go to.
You can not expect to meet Mengi or Mo Dewji at Kona baa.
And also if you are always finding me at Kona baa there is a certain perception you will form about me.
This is just an example

4. What you feed your mind
Just like the body what you feed your mind determines its health. Starve it and your thinking will be limited. Feed it with the right information and it will open doors. What you feed your minds includes what you read and the content you consume on TV and the digital word. They share your thinking
What are you feeding you mind

5. The words you say

The power of life and death is in your tongue. Your words are powerful. What you speak comes to life. Your words are what will come to pass. Avoid talking negativity and focus on speaking more positively. Victory or defeat starts from the tongue. Speak the life you want into existence.
The words you speak come into existence and are attached to you as a brand
Example if a person is always using abusive language that is what his brand will be identified with
In conclusion I would like to quote Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos, “Your brand is what other people say about you when you're not in the room.”  and leave you with a 2 questions. What will people say about you? What is your Brand?
Thank you again Positive consultation for the opportunity and everyone for the participation. Should anyone wish to connect my details are below

Twitter   : @edwardshila
Facebook : Edward Shila Jr.
Instagram: edward.shila
Linkedin   : Edward Shila
Email: edward.shila@gmail.com

How to Run and Manage organization successful by Naamala Samson.

Hello leaders, today we had a very impressive presentation from our leader Mr. Naamala Samson on positive consultation Whatsapp group as I want to share with you  The  TEN tips  basing on his experience in managing several organizations, from religious, students based, youth based, artists, charity, development networks, and others.
Let's begin,

I am aware that you can have a different perspective, and that's okay.

Feel free to ask questions or comment anytime

Please remember we have just an hour.  Looking forward for your contributions where possible.

Thank you

TIP #1:

Understanding organization's vision,mission, goal and objectives.  This will help you to be aware of what you are managing and what changes people are expecting to see when you are in that position.

Ask yourself, do you really know(and support) your organizational vision?  Learn more about it and that shall give you a motivation to keep going forward.

TIP #2

Build a team. Yes!  A team which is very competitive, multi-skilled, multi-talented and ready to support and challenge you to grow.

You can easily manage an organization if the team supports you(and challenges you as well). Know their talents, emotions, skills and knowledge.

It doesn't matter what's your position,YOU NEED A TEAM!. There will be a time you will need to delegate tasks. So have a team.

Are we together?

TIP #3

Create a strategy, and develop plan(s) around it. As a leader in any organization, you will need to create a five years strategy, develop annual plans, quarterly plans, monthly, weekly and even daily.

Strategies and plans are supporting you as the way you are using map in uber!  They give you a direction to know where do you really want to reach in a certain period of time.

Apart from that, you can also develop plans around fundraising, communication, human resource management, etc.

 QN: Do Leaders like to be challenged?

ANS: Challenges are there to make you more stronger(mentally and physically) and grow wiser. If any person wants to be stronger and wiser, then s/he should enjoy being challenged.

TIP #4

Choose your own leadership style. Try to know which style do you prefer the most. Laissez-faire?  Dictatorship?  Or which one do you feel it's suitable according to your organization and people you are managing.

You can mix several styles,be flexible, it's okay.

Ask yourself, what's your leadership style?

TIP #5

Choose well your network. Here, it includes partners, donors and government agencies. When managing your organization in a certain position, you will interact with other organizations, local and international ones.

Be wise in choosing your partners basing on your organizational vision and mission.

If you go against your organizational goal in dealing with partners, you can find yourself in trouble!

*Be bold to say NO* if other organizations do want to partner with you while they are not aligning with your organizational objectives and plans.

TIP #6

Increase knowledge as much as you can. READ! READ! READ!

Great leaders are good readers!

Yes!  Read about management so that you can successfully manage your organization, even in hard times. Attend as many conferences and trainings on leadership and management. Apart from reading, make sure you watch and listen as many sources as possible on leadership.

Hey!  Don't to forget to *TEACH, MENTOR and DEVELOP* others to be great leaders too! 😊

TIP #7

Be creative and flexible.  Go with the trend. Don't be rigid. Now we can clearly see most of leaders are going with the advantages of using social media in achieving their goals- _of influencing more people to support them and their organizations' vision_. That's one of the creativity.

Other people do use arts and other creative tools in implementing their projects for their organizations.

Be creative and you will definitely reach far!

Any question so far?

 Tip #8

Have passion to bring changes, FIRST! Check your skills, knowledge and experience, to develop a passion.

If you manage an organization without having a passion, my dear friend, you will find it's very difficult to manage any organization!

Ask yourself, do you have a passion to change your community or just searching for money!?  Have passion and money will follow!

TIP #9

Be open to positively receive any feedback! Be it positive or negative feedback.

So long as you are managing people, you will always receive criticism. Be ready to hear what people say and improve where possible.

Just remember, it's okay to fail as a leader. Don't give up!

Are you ready for the last tip?  😊

Who can guess?

Two minutes to guess what can be the last tip!

TIP #10

Know when to EXIT! Don't be there forever. Make sure you have an exit strategy,and most of organizations have their constitutions, as a leader you must respect and follow organizational constitution.

By exiting, you give a chance to other people to show out their leadership potential and ofcourse will help you to go somewhere else and start a new thing.

 To easily remember these TIPS on organizational management, just remember *"CHOOSE"*!.

1. CHOOSE wisely organizational's *vision, mission and goal*

2. CHOOSE your *team*

3. CHOOSE your *strategy and develop plans* accordingly.

4. CHOOSE your *leadership style.*

5. CHOOSE your *network.*

6. CHOOSE wisely what you *read, watch, and listen.*

7. CHOOSE to be *unique* and creative.

8. CHOOSE to have *passion* in bringing changes in your community!

9. CHOOSE to be positive in receiving *feedback*.

10. CHOOSE *when to EXIT!*

Thank you for your attention.  I feel honored. Thank you very much🙏🏽 and may GOD BLESS YOU!

So, for further communication,let's keep in touch via;

Facebook: Naamala Brighton Samson

Twitter: @NaamalaSamson

Instagram: naamala.samson

LinkedIn: Naamala Samson

Skype: naamala.samson2014

YouTube: Naamala Samson

Mobile/whatsapp: +255 716 74 86 74

Be blessed and have a great night🙏🏽


Hello leaders,

My deep appreciation to our today's presenter Mr. Naamala Samson from  Brac Tanzania for his marvellous energy, time and bundle to navigate our dreams and run our projects successful.

     The presentation was very impressive and we shall organize a greatest event for him to share alot of minerals.

I'm very excited for your great response and I want to announce the best three students of today's lesson are @⁨Siti Ngwali⁩ , @⁨zeggemuddy2⁩  and @⁨Ashura Hamis⁩  my deeply appreciation too.

Let's end here, our time is up and let's meet the next weekend,

Write to us through this email
positiveconsultationtz@gmail.com

Our website;
www.poc.or.tz

Regards,
Zenorina Christian, positive consultation Events Department.

*Think positive, live better*

How to Start Simple Conversations Using Small Talk


Have you ever had the urge to end an awkward silence or you find the person next to you interesting and you want to start a conversation - or you are in meeting, conference or seminar and it's time to mingle, network, chat with colleagues, or meet clients. Many of us struggle with the art of conversation which invariable affects our social skills. 


Some of the best professionals I know can converse effectively when it's a topic about their skill set, but to start an informal type of discourse, they hang like a computer with an overloaded memory.


The anxiety of starting or responding to casual conversation makes many of us to dread social events. I know of a friend who avoids his neighbors just because of this. 


Unfortunately, in our absorption with our own discomfort with small talks, our neighbors, co workers, acquaintances, spouse, friends, family and associate can label us as cold, distant, reserved, arrogant or proud.


If you feel anxiety every time you want to start a conversation or you dry out almost immediately  you say "hello", then you need to learn and practice the art of small talk.


So if you are ready can i quickly get some hands?


Small talk is the art of engaging any individual in a meaningful dialogue. 


And it goes a long way towards building business relationship, closing a deal, getting a sale, making a friend or starting a romantic relationship.


The good news is that this conversation skill is  learn-able. Small talks are not something that is biologically instinctive in many of us, only few are born with the superb ability to mingle, the rest of us have to learn it, myself inclusive.


But before i talk about how to start a simple conversation using small talks, let me ask - Why Bother?


With the world now a global village, with the advent of internet, smartphones, emails, social media, blogs etc. Our high tech world has created a void in our connection with each other.


Yet, we are biologically social beings - we crave physical human connection; love, importance, appreciation and relevance. 


That is why the art of conversation will always bloom So how do you start a conversation using small talk? 


There are 3 first steps to initiating a conversation with a stranger


Step 1: Let go of your fear of strangers, remember your very close friend now was once a stranger. So in a safe situation, it is ok to talk to strangers. See strangers as people who can bring new experiences to your life


Step 2: Ignore that little voice telling you the worse, it's just anxiety coming from your belief or experience and not the situation. The other person might just be glad to have someone to talk to.


Step 3:Take the risk. Take action. Extend your hand, say hello and smile. What is the worst thing that could happen?


I was in a business marketing seminar somewhere in Ogba, Lagos state some years back and after the convener had blessed us with his knowledge on the subject matter, then came break time - time to mingle with strangers, i froze as all the worst that could happen kept creeping into my mind. 


The guy i sat next to had started a conversation with the other guy next to him and they looked like they were "flowing". After some lonely minute of fiddling with my note book, i decided to form busy with my phone. It was then a lady sitting behind me, tapped my shoulder and asked for my notebook, i looked back and gave it to her, she smiled  and looked through my notes and smiled again. 


Then she looked at me still smiling and said "Bros, your handwriting is bad" then i smiled, turned my chair to face hers and offered to read it to her, then we started talking more about the seminar and our own businesses, it was fun and all my fears then didn't matter because i was glad i smiled back.


People with good conversation skills understand that icebreakers can be personal and impersonal when starting small talks. 


They understand that personal icebreakers like polite greetings, compliments on looks or fashion style are used with caution. While impersonal icebreakers are context tailored to the situation.


Several other potential icebreakers are


- What do you find interesting about your boss?

- What do you find annoying about your boss?

- I am looking for a good movie/restaurant/shopping mall/tailor/hairdresser etc, can you recommend any?

- How did you come up with this idea

?- What do you enjoy most about your job?

- What is the most difficult aspect of your job?

- What advise would you give someone just starting a business?


What are the challenges of your  --------------------- business?

- Do you know someone who can help me with -------------------?

- What did you do before work at your present job?


The key is in asking the right question so that the other person gives you enough "" to work with and you just listen, then you follow up with another question - if need be, you must actively participate in the conversation.


Remember the golden rule of small talks - Speak Out, Show Interest and Listen.


So how do you become skilled in small talks? 


Practice. Like i said before, many of us are not born with the natural instinct to mingle and be a crowd pleaser. Most of us are born shy. But with practice, little by little we unravel the mingle-genius in us and it begins to feel natural.


 So remember when next an opportunity present itself - take the lead, break the ice, show interest, listen and maintain the conversation.


One of the biggest impediment to a good personal conversation is one man's inability to listen intelligently, understandingly, and skillfully to another person - says Psychologist Carl Rogers.


Lastly we have the mental element to attentive listening. This is the special power of a good conversationalist- the ability to retain what has been said by the speaker. It takes enough focus and retentive memory to be able to track a conversation and take mental notes


We once chatted with a man, me and a group of friends, as one of us was soon to get married in a few weeks, the man decided to dishing out marriage tips and mentioned his *young son* a couple of times and some of the cute things he does. 


After the short chat, the man was about to take his leave and one of our friend  asked that he gives our regard to his "daughter"- Another important thing to note during a conversation is the "name".


Some of the worst thing that can happen in the middle of a conversation is to forget the other persons name and then call them by a wrong name.


There is something in a name. When you ask a person "What is your name", place emphasis on the word "your"and not "name", according to Debra Fine, in her book, The Fine Art of Small Talks, this signals to the person that they are important. 


And when a person says their name, to them, that is the most beautiful pronunciation they have ever heard. So take a mental note of that and learn to use it during a conversation.


The purpose is to get you off mute to being a good conversationist at events, social gatherings, meetings, seminars, and even in public places.


The aim is to help you improve your social skill by teaching you the art of engaging any individual in a mean dialogue. For the listening aspect, you need to *stay focused, use eye contact, be conscious  of your body language, give feedbacks and takeh mental note of important points* that can be used to ask questions or create content for further discussion.


If you would like to join our community on Facebook where we learn, share and inspire on how to become a great conversationist, please follow our page using this link..https://web.facebook.com/conversationpros

Building And Nurturing Student's Career, Event Report At Dumila Secondary School, Morogoro


Cheerful students enjoying our presentation

Project Overview

Positive consultation as a non profit organization engaging on transforming people's mindset as well as helping them to turn their dreams into reality has a project known as building and nurturing student's career project purposely to provide good upbringing to students in their respective schools towards self awareness, personal growth and good performance to build aspiring and good future during and after school.

Introduction

The Main purpose of Building and nurturing student's career project is to Establish a positive club in secondary schools so that students will have a chance to share different good things including, self development and improvement tips,nurturing their carriers and getting closer and grabbing  available local and international opportunitie under guidance of positve consultation's regional coordinator.

Activities conducted

On August 4, 2018 positive consultation leaders managed to form a positive club at Dumila secondary school under permission of the school administration where by students will conduct different meetings during subject club period to discuss and exchange different good things.On the event conducted about 41 students from all classes of Form one, Form Two, Form Three and Form Four attended and Six (6) leaders were selected to lead the club, apart from founding the club we also trained them about the topic of Mindset and The Global sustainable development goals were covered.


Students listening attentively 

Our expectations to this club is having a club corner around the school compound so thatstudents can engage on keeping environments clean, hosting different events inside the school, and involving in different issues inside and outside the school as the way of giving back to the community through showing love, friendship and empathy.    


Our leader, Mr Chitemo delivering speech 

Conclusion

Students showed much interest and huge response to the projects as they promised to be very active to ensure that club objectives are fulfilled for betterment of their lives. Much thanks to the school administration, positive consultation team and all people made this project happen at Dumila secondary school.

We have impressive story to tell about design thinking training at Duce, don't miss

The first day of Design thinking training ended with very impressive presentations at University of Dar es salaam college of education from great trainers with various topics.

Neema Makundi started with the introduction to design thinking.

Abdalah Selega came out with accessibility to different opportunities globally and lastly
The 🔥🔥🔥🔥was from Raymond Benedict who inspired us regarding to his experiences he gained due to thinking positive and lastly he taught about mindset.

See more photos here✔
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=266984743877459&id=126163967959538



Tomorrow again, we are going to finalize our short workshop from 15:00-18:00 EAT
Think positive, live better
www.poc.or.tz

Design thinking workshop at DUCE 30 June and 1st July secure your seat now.

Hello everyone,
We have a biggest two days  event coming this weekend 30 June and 1st July, at Dar es salaam university college of education on Design thinking, digital marketing, Opportunities in global world and other issues.

Already,  influential trainers and speakers confirmed to present are Badru Juma Rajabu, Abdalah Selega, Rodric Nabe, Raymond Benedict and Neema Makundi.

As our mission and focus Positive consultation we groom people to best version of themselves that is our energy is beyond normal to see everyone is recognizing and developing his or her potentiality.

Everyone is invited to attend and you can secure your seat to this contacts because we have a limited number,

+255 764 176 843 or eventsorgpoc@gmail.com

Regards,
Zenorina Christian
Event organizer positive consultation

That is how positive consultation celebrated The international Day of African Children

    On June 18 at Mafinga Ground Iringa Tanzania we had very amazing event and experience on International Day of African Children celebration where the government of Iringa Invited us to present and cooperate with them to that Great event as part of our mission of giving back positive impacts to the world so we made it.
      This year theme was, "Towards industrialization Policy Children must not left back"  Of course it was great and we are grateful to see our pilots Mr  Ngusa Benjamin and Yaasin Lazaro were highly excited for such great Honour of conducting the event and on behalf of all positive consultation family we proud of them to that great work.
 participation started from the education stockholder's meeting which held 13th May, 2018 mafinga, coming to prepare  and  speech ( Risala )  and other things that was highly appreciated by guest of honor ( region commissioner and iringa district commissioner )  also we had an  opportunity to present speech about our Organization POSITIVE CONSULTATION as we impressed them on what we are doing and our desire of transforming people's dreams into best version of them selves.  The office of regional commissioner promised to provide huge cooperation to our Organization so that we can have a wide chance of bringing real changes in Iringa Region and the whole Tanzania so we are so glad to hear such great news.

      That is how we made our day and looking forward to do more great things.

Think positive, live better

Official positive consultation website

Since 2017 we had a long journey with positive consultation and I'm taking this opportunity to thank the following leaders for their marvellous inputs in our organization.

1. Hatibu Rajabu
2. Jacklin Chris
3. Reuben Ndimbo
4. Ms Fumpuni
5. Rodrick Nabe
6. Wilhelm Caspar Oddo
7. Mariah Js Shechambo
8. Andrew Caus
9. Solomon Zakayo
10. Secelela Madeje
11. Andrew Mwakalebela
12. Efata Kileo
13. Eric Rwazi
14. Fatma Ally
15. Neema Makundi
16. Abd-allah Wihenge
17. Tausi Ferooz
18. Jaquelin Laswai
19. Enelisa Ijalisi
20. Yaasin Lazaro
21. Benjamin Ngusa
22. Elizabeth Evarest
23. Charles Mushi
24. Emmanuel Waisai
25. Anneth pascal
26. Ahmad Sylvester Mselemu
27. David Mwangila
28. James Chitemo
And many others up to this moment I'm coming to introduce to you our official website

Remember;
Still some improvements on it

You can visit anytime also invite your friends to visit and see what we are doing
Karibu sana!

www.poc.or.tz

Chitemo mentioned a long list in his happy birthday message

For sure  I have a lot of things to share for this wonderful day 28/05/1994 where I was born at My lovely Village Mtumbatu located Morogoro Tanzania.
  
Its my special day, Thank you God for this opportunity I came here down to the earth and under very care of my parents Emma Haji and Robert Chitemo the world  now becomes aware on me.  I'm thankful to all who contributed a lot in my life and I can't tolerate just to mention  few and those who are missing don't worry I value your contributions.

Special seat,
Emma Haji + Robert Chitemo💓
Christina,Joseph,Joyce, Medrine,Japhet,Janeth and Naomi (blood relatives)
1. Primary teachers, Gaspar,Mayo,Mziray,Madihi,Kasebele,Tesha,Selugazo,Mbalazi,Lukindo,Msesega etc

2. Secondary school teachers, Mpejiwa mabala, Mukiza ntongani, barick msigwa, mwazembe, Kiswaga, kibacha,Bwaye, simengwa etc

3. High school teachers, Yalonde,Ndanzi Mjengwa, Nyahenge, etc

5. Andrew Mwakalebela, Casper oddo, Carolyn Ekarisiima ,Lilian Madeje, Nabe Rodric, Mmbando peter, Reuben Ndimbo, Joash Frank, Lawrence Ambokile, Lissa Ambokile, Ms Fumpuni, Dr Mwita, Selemani Makwita,Wilfred Nyange,Naamala Samson, Naomi msimba,Matimila, Director zakayo Rose mmbaga , etc

6. Hatibu Rajabu, Merryrehema shechambo, Andrew Caus, Elizabeth Evarest, Charles Mushi, Makundi Neema, Godbright Nixon, Nancy moses, Asha Abbas, Fatma Abbas, Raymond Benedict, Sylvester Mselemu, zakayo John, Aneth Pascal, Nancy Benny, Ashura khamis, Tausi Ferooz, Jaquelin Laswai, Jacklin Chris, Efata Kileo, Fatma ally, Rwazi erick, Yaasin Lazaro, Abdalh Wihenge, Joseph William,Zenorina Christian, Ben Ngusa, Mdala waiko, Bulai haji,Loyce Danford, Janerosa mwafimbo, mzehe Nambari one, Ng'ina Stella mulungu yamurehemu, mzehe mulahagwa na wamonga weengi.

7. Haters (very sorry I don't have their names but their contribution is awesome)
8. Friends, relatives,classmates, positive consultation members, etc

All few I remembered above and those I don't remember their names I can tell you that, you are the reason for my presence,

--you are praying for good to me,
--you are directing to better version of my self.
--,you strive to do unexplainable contributions and I have no such amount to pay each of you, I know its a loan which I have to pay even not to you directly but the society that I'm living.
          I don't know much about my self but  my focus and energy is not about talking about people! Its about ideas and delivering positive impacts to nourish and accomplish my purpose in life

Thanks Again, all ... I dedicate this special Day to my parents Emma Haji and Robert Chitemo telling them that, I'm too young and the person left on me shall be announced 2026😂😂

I'm grateful, Mbarikiwe sana nyote
👌👌👌👌👌👌👌

This is why you need to be aware with this skills unless you'll end up frustrated.

Employability skills is most crucial thing you have to look first before finding a job to look for, follow this lesson from our leader JEREMIAH LOWLAND From Nigeria also we hope to have him to present more good things to our WhatsApp discussion, if aren't there secure your seat soon, also find us on Facebook, twitter, Instagram also subscribe to our blog please!

I'm dropping to you
enjoy

Today I'll talk about understanding soft skills A couple of us might be familiar with Soft Skills but don't really know how it can improve our career.
It's my wish that after this presentation, we'll be more intentional about learning and improving our soft skills  In the highly competitive work environment, hardwork or degrees are just not enough  Employers are more concerned with recruiting employees who posses an X-factor
Which will bring about a higher yield in production
You might be the best sales man in your organization, but it amounts to little if you find it difficult to work with others  Now, what are *Soft Skills*?
It generally comprises of our attitude, habits and how we interact with people Soft Skills are the personal character traits or qualities each of us posses that makes us who we are.
For the purpose of this presentation, I'll use the following phrases interchangeably:
People Skills, Interpersonal Skills, Social Skills or transferable Skill
This implies that Soft skills are basically about how to relate with people.
Hard skills are professional or technical skills that are learnt in Schools or vocational institutions.
Now, we have to differentiate between Hard and Soft Skills
They are simply mensurable
But, Soft skills are basically some sort of intangible traits that you posses as you relate with other people
Hard skills are gradually being replaced by *AIs* in developed country.
So, in other to stand out in the competitive labour Market, the following soft skills should be learnt and improved.
For instance, some hotels in Asia now use AIs and Robots as receptionists and waiters
#1 Basic/Vital Soft Skill every employer is looking out for is

*Communication Skill
A prospective employee must improve his/her communication skill
This will enable him/her translate the organizational goals and objective into action
The impact of effective communication can not be over emphasized in a given organization

*#2. Teamwork
You should be able to communicate both verbally and non verbally

This is ability to work with others in order to achieve a certain aim and objective

Trust me, it's not everyone that work with others without having any conflict
Learn to work as a TEAM

*Together
*Everyone
*Achieve
*More
When you work with others, it will yield high productivity

*#3. Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is simply about personal and interpersonal emotional awareness

It's the ability to understand your emotions and that of others, and this will enable you work with others especially when you have an understanding of their emotional state
This will enable you relate with people easily.
I'll post a material on EI after this presentation

*#4. Decision Making
Trust me, a lot of people aren't good at making decision Of course, you wouldn't blame them, it's a skill that hasn't been developed
There will a problem when you make a Short term decision You should know when to make a short and long term  Critical analyse your options before making a decision

*#. Time Management
Rather, how well do you spend your time?
How good do you use your time?
This is a very vital skill every employer is looking out for. For instance, as a project manager, you have to prepare a time schedule for your project
This will enable you plan your project effectively and also ensure timely completion
Aside from projects.
Take yourself as the Big Project
Spend time on your growth and personal development Ratvities I bet you, this will hype your CV.
There is no employer that will ignore this skill
There's always one conflict or the other in a work place.
I'll just like down the remaining skills
So, your presence will reduce any conflict that may arise right?😎

*Adaptability

*Self Motivation

*Listening Skills

*Goal Setting Strategy

*Empathy

And finally

Leadership Skill
These are set of Employable Skills
Also, during an interview session, you can emphasize on the above skills as your strength
Behold, those are the X Factors that stand you out in the crowd

Goal setting is all out setting targets and devising means of meeting your set target
If you can defend those skills, your job is 40% guaranteed
It can either be for a short or long time
Experts always recommend we set

SMART Goals
[
You goals must be:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time bound

Basic human emotions that determine emotional intelligence

Presented April 6 2018 to positive consultation.

Thank you so much zenorina. My name is Chekwech gaudencia from eastern Uganda, currently a medical intern, a global health advocate and very passionate about personal growth. Am excited and honoured to share with you great leaders about emotional intelligence. Hope you pick one or two things from the sharing

I will share what I have prepared for us then we shall have a discussion at the end...

Emotional intelligence is a rarely discussed topic but we need to first appreciate that according to WHO, 350million people worldwide suffer from depression which is a result of poor management of emotion. Depression is currently the leading cause of disability 😟

DEFINITIONS.                   EI refers to the ability to predict, perceive,  control and evaluate  our emotions.                              The word emotion encompasses a broad range of feelings,  behaviours and changes in the body and mind.

All emotions are in essence, impulses to act, instant plans to handle life that evolution has instilled in us.

Emotions help us humans to communicate what we feel toward  certain situations,  people, things and cope with everyday situations. This means the way we handle our emotions will determine the quality of our lives at home and work.

Emotions are subjective, based on perception and unique to each individual. It's said the more emotions one experiences, the more colorful life is☺.

Due to their vastness,  I will only a few of the basic human emotions  such that we can better understand emotional intelligence

FEAR.  Is a response to impending danger. A survival mechanism that is a reaction to some negative stimulus. The secondary emotion is nervousness and the tertiary emotions include anxiety, distress, tenseness, worry.  Another secondary emotion is horror with tertiary emotions of alarm, fright, horror, hysteria, panic,  shock and terror.

ANGER. is evoked due to injustice, conflict, humiliation, negligence  or betrayal. If it's active individual attacks the target. Secondary emotions here can be rage, disgust and irritation.

SADNESS.  is related to a feeling of loss and disadvantage. May lead to depression.person will be quiet, less energetic and withdrawn to self. Includes agony, hurt and anguish

JOY or happiness has shades of enjoyment, satisfaction and pleasure.one gets a sense of well-being, inner peace, love, safety and contentment. Here there is both positive thinking  and positive activities. Cheerfulness, happiness and jubilation.

LOVE.  arises from  a feeling of profound oneness. Can be romantic, religious of family ,Friendship and philanthropy (charity work)

okay.. Now that we have our emotions we shall move on to why we need to be emotionally intelligent

WHY SHOULD WE IMPROVE OUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

1.Success is strongly influenced by personal traits like perseverance, self control and skill in getting along with others. Having a higher EI (managing our emotions)  makes us better team players, be more flexible in life

2. Leads to increased self confidence and self esteem because u invest in self discovery and learn to manage ur feelings better

3.helps you handle stress better because emotionally intelligent people know what to get stressed over, what do u do about it and how long to be stressed it

4. helps you adapt more easily to change especially in the modern working environment where change is constant

5.helps you communicate more effectively

helps you form and maintain interpersonal relationships, leading to a more fulfilling social life and a more successful professional life

7.makes you a better leader

These are some of the reasons a colleague shared with me how emotional intelligence is very important in leadership 👉🏾  stay turned tomorrow I will share with you.

Regards,
Positive consultation team
Think positive, live better

The most important question of your life



By Mark Manson 

Dou Really Want To Be A Rockstar?

Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.

Everyone would like that — it’s easy to like that.

If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous that it doesn’t even mean anything.

We all dream of having it all but not the struggle it takes to get there.

Nothing Comes For Free

A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.

Everybody wants to have an incredible job and financial independence — but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes and obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.

Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship — but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional drama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they ask, “What was that for?” If not for their lowered standards and expectations for themselves 20 years prior, then what for?

People settle for relationships and careers and then wonder where it all went wrong.

Happiness Requires Struggle

Because happiness requires struggle. You can only avoid pain for so long before it comes roaring back to life.

At the core of all human behavior, the good feelings we all want are more or less the same. Therefore what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing to sustain.

People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.

People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.

People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It’s part of the game of love. You can’t win if you don’t play.

Sticking your head in the sand doesn’t take the hardship away.

The Quality of Negative Experiences

What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.

There’s a lot of crappy advice out there that says, “You’ve just got to want it enough!”

Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something enough. They just aren’t aware of what it is they want, or rather, what they want “enough”.

Because if you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the beach body, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of stepping on other people.

If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting it. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.

Are you willing to work to make what you want a reality even if it’s painful?

A Life-Changing Question

Sometimes I ask people, “How do you choose to suffer?” These people tilt their heads and look at me like I have twelve noses. But I ask because that tells me far more about you than your desires and fantasies. Because you have to choose something. You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns. And ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?

Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?


That answer will actually get you somewhere. It’s the question that can change your life. It’s what makes me, me, and you, you. It’s what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.

For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician — a rock star, in particular. Any badass guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage playing it to the screams of the crowd, people absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger-noodling. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. But even then it was never a question of if I’d ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when. I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then…and then nothing.

Childhood dreams don’t come true unless you put in the work to make it happen.

Reality Check

Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why: I didn’t actually want it.

I was in love with the result — the image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into what I’m playing — but I wasn’t in love with the process. And because of that, I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn’t even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.

The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit. The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It’s a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.

Our culture would tell me that I’ve somehow failed myself, that I’m a quitter or a loser. Self-help would say that I either wasn’t courageous enough, determined enough or I didn’t believe in myself enough. The start-up crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning. I’d be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.

Do you enjoy the climb or do you just want to be at the top?

Choose Your Struggles

But the truth is far less interesting than that: I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story.

I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.

Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long work weeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.

This is not a call for willpower or “grit.” This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain”.

This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. So choose your struggles wisely, my friend.

Read Next: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

How do you feel about this article? Join the conversation.

Words By Mark Manson

Originally posted on Mark Manson

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The Shocking Truth of What Causes Addiction

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12 Comments on "The Most Important Question Of Your Life"

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Ma'ruf Syafi'i

i like this. thank’s 

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1 year ago

Pearl Lyon

What if you don’t enjoy the starving artist life, but are willing to endure it? Because I do not enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of it, but I keep at it even when I don’t. It’s not pain I want, it’s just pain I consider worth it to endure…even though it is excruciating…but the pain of living a life without music, just clocking in to some job I don’t care about so I can Keep up with my Netflix account…that is not pain I’m willing to endure ever again.

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1 year ago

Rob

Well said!

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1 year ago

sbjani2006

Wonderful article. It reflects point by point – my own thought process.
And I love the conclusion . Love the process – not the reward.
That is what Bhagwad Gita – a Hindu scripture says.

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते, मा फलेषू कदाच ।

Which translates into ..You have a right to DO not for what you GET.

I will quote this article on my blog in an article in my language – Gujarati.

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1 year ago

sbjani2006

Here is the post on my Gujarati blog –

https://gadyasoor.wordpress.com/2016/12/08/uplift-2/

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1 year ago

Raymund Turner

Hell, the article really jolts you into being realistic. Really, no pain and no gain in a nutshell. I like the article for its realism, teaching the reader to be practical and no day-dreaming. Thanks

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1 year ago

Dennis P. Cromwell. D.C.

This is the first “honest” look at goals I have ever read. I know of only one other person, Dick Sutphen, who has said for decades that there is a price for the things we want in life which can be time, money, effort, going back to school, giving up a social life – reaching goals requires struggles and missteps and commitment. A VERY well put article.

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1 year ago

SarynDip

Beautifully Said!! Truth!!

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1 year ago

Rob

Interesting viewpoint. The way it works in reality is: if you really want something enough, you will not only endure the pain, you will learn to love it. The dream motivates you enough to keep going no matter what. And if you really want that dream, you will love whatever it is you need to go through to get there. Because success is a journey my friend, not a pain you have to endure. Or you can make an excuse that it is too hard, let fear stop you again and then back it up with

I think this is basically what they are saying. The thing is (using the author’s example), the people who end up being really great musicians are the ones who want to play every day, who don’t see it as a chore they have to do to fulfil their dream of being a good player but something they get joy from even when they’re not that good. I once heard about a famous