For sure  I have a lot of things to share for this wonderful day 28/05/1994 where I was born at My lovely Village Mtumbatu located Morogoro Tanzania.
  
Its my special day, Thank you God for this opportunity I came here down to the earth and under very care of my parents Emma Haji and Robert Chitemo the world  now becomes aware on me.  I'm thankful to all who contributed a lot in my life and I can't tolerate just to mention  few and those who are missing don't worry I value your contributions.

Special seat,
Emma Haji + Robert Chitemo💓
Christina,Joseph,Joyce, Medrine,Japhet,Janeth and Naomi (blood relatives)
1. Primary teachers, Gaspar,Mayo,Mziray,Madihi,Kasebele,Tesha,Selugazo,Mbalazi,Lukindo,Msesega etc

2. Secondary school teachers, Mpejiwa mabala, Mukiza ntongani, barick msigwa, mwazembe, Kiswaga, kibacha,Bwaye, simengwa etc

3. High school teachers, Yalonde,Ndanzi Mjengwa, Nyahenge, etc

5. Andrew Mwakalebela, Casper oddo, Carolyn Ekarisiima ,Lilian Madeje, Nabe Rodric, Mmbando peter, Reuben Ndimbo, Joash Frank, Lawrence Ambokile, Lissa Ambokile, Ms Fumpuni, Dr Mwita, Selemani Makwita,Wilfred Nyange,Naamala Samson, Naomi msimba,Matimila, Director zakayo Rose mmbaga , etc

6. Hatibu Rajabu, Merryrehema shechambo, Andrew Caus, Elizabeth Evarest, Charles Mushi, Makundi Neema, Godbright Nixon, Nancy moses, Asha Abbas, Fatma Abbas, Raymond Benedict, Sylvester Mselemu, zakayo John, Aneth Pascal, Nancy Benny, Ashura khamis, Tausi Ferooz, Jaquelin Laswai, Jacklin Chris, Efata Kileo, Fatma ally, Rwazi erick, Yaasin Lazaro, Abdalh Wihenge, Joseph William,Zenorina Christian, Ben Ngusa, Mdala waiko, Bulai haji,Loyce Danford, Janerosa mwafimbo, mzehe Nambari one, Ng'ina Stella mulungu yamurehemu, mzehe mulahagwa na wamonga weengi.

7. Haters (very sorry I don't have their names but their contribution is awesome)
8. Friends, relatives,classmates, positive consultation members, etc

All few I remembered above and those I don't remember their names I can tell you that, you are the reason for my presence,

--you are praying for good to me,
--you are directing to better version of my self.
--,you strive to do unexplainable contributions and I have no such amount to pay each of you, I know its a loan which I have to pay even not to you directly but the society that I'm living.
          I don't know much about my self but  my focus and energy is not about talking about people! Its about ideas and delivering positive impacts to nourish and accomplish my purpose in life

Thanks Again, all ... I dedicate this special Day to my parents Emma Haji and Robert Chitemo telling them that, I'm too young and the person left on me shall be announced 2026😂😂

I'm grateful, Mbarikiwe sana nyote
👌👌👌👌👌👌👌

Employability skills is most crucial thing you have to look first before finding a job to look for, follow this lesson from our leader JEREMIAH LOWLAND From Nigeria also we hope to have him to present more good things to our WhatsApp discussion, if aren't there secure your seat soon, also find us on Facebook, twitter, Instagram also subscribe to our blog please!

I'm dropping to you
enjoy

Today I'll talk about understanding soft skills A couple of us might be familiar with Soft Skills but don't really know how it can improve our career.
It's my wish that after this presentation, we'll be more intentional about learning and improving our soft skills  In the highly competitive work environment, hardwork or degrees are just not enough  Employers are more concerned with recruiting employees who posses an X-factor
Which will bring about a higher yield in production
You might be the best sales man in your organization, but it amounts to little if you find it difficult to work with others  Now, what are *Soft Skills*?
It generally comprises of our attitude, habits and how we interact with people Soft Skills are the personal character traits or qualities each of us posses that makes us who we are.
For the purpose of this presentation, I'll use the following phrases interchangeably:
People Skills, Interpersonal Skills, Social Skills or transferable Skill
This implies that Soft skills are basically about how to relate with people.
Hard skills are professional or technical skills that are learnt in Schools or vocational institutions.
Now, we have to differentiate between Hard and Soft Skills
They are simply mensurable
But, Soft skills are basically some sort of intangible traits that you posses as you relate with other people
Hard skills are gradually being replaced by *AIs* in developed country.
So, in other to stand out in the competitive labour Market, the following soft skills should be learnt and improved.
For instance, some hotels in Asia now use AIs and Robots as receptionists and waiters
#1 Basic/Vital Soft Skill every employer is looking out for is

*Communication Skill
A prospective employee must improve his/her communication skill
This will enable him/her translate the organizational goals and objective into action
The impact of effective communication can not be over emphasized in a given organization

*#2. Teamwork
You should be able to communicate both verbally and non verbally

This is ability to work with others in order to achieve a certain aim and objective

Trust me, it's not everyone that work with others without having any conflict
Learn to work as a TEAM

*Together
*Everyone
*Achieve
*More
When you work with others, it will yield high productivity

*#3. Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is simply about personal and interpersonal emotional awareness

It's the ability to understand your emotions and that of others, and this will enable you work with others especially when you have an understanding of their emotional state
This will enable you relate with people easily.
I'll post a material on EI after this presentation

*#4. Decision Making
Trust me, a lot of people aren't good at making decision Of course, you wouldn't blame them, it's a skill that hasn't been developed
There will a problem when you make a Short term decision You should know when to make a short and long term  Critical analyse your options before making a decision

*#. Time Management
Rather, how well do you spend your time?
How good do you use your time?
This is a very vital skill every employer is looking out for. For instance, as a project manager, you have to prepare a time schedule for your project
This will enable you plan your project effectively and also ensure timely completion
Aside from projects.
Take yourself as the Big Project
Spend time on your growth and personal development Ratvities I bet you, this will hype your CV.
There is no employer that will ignore this skill
There's always one conflict or the other in a work place.
I'll just like down the remaining skills
So, your presence will reduce any conflict that may arise right?😎

*Adaptability

*Self Motivation

*Listening Skills

*Goal Setting Strategy

*Empathy

And finally

Leadership Skill
These are set of Employable Skills
Also, during an interview session, you can emphasize on the above skills as your strength
Behold, those are the X Factors that stand you out in the crowd

Goal setting is all out setting targets and devising means of meeting your set target
If you can defend those skills, your job is 40% guaranteed
It can either be for a short or long time
Experts always recommend we set

SMART Goals
[
You goals must be:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time bound

Presented April 6 2018 to positive consultation.

Thank you so much zenorina. My name is Chekwech gaudencia from eastern Uganda, currently a medical intern, a global health advocate and very passionate about personal growth. Am excited and honoured to share with you great leaders about emotional intelligence. Hope you pick one or two things from the sharing

I will share what I have prepared for us then we shall have a discussion at the end...

Emotional intelligence is a rarely discussed topic but we need to first appreciate that according to WHO, 350million people worldwide suffer from depression which is a result of poor management of emotion. Depression is currently the leading cause of disability 😟

DEFINITIONS.                   EI refers to the ability to predict, perceive,  control and evaluate  our emotions.                              The word emotion encompasses a broad range of feelings,  behaviours and changes in the body and mind.

All emotions are in essence, impulses to act, instant plans to handle life that evolution has instilled in us.

Emotions help us humans to communicate what we feel toward  certain situations,  people, things and cope with everyday situations. This means the way we handle our emotions will determine the quality of our lives at home and work.

Emotions are subjective, based on perception and unique to each individual. It's said the more emotions one experiences, the more colorful life is☺.

Due to their vastness,  I will only a few of the basic human emotions  such that we can better understand emotional intelligence

FEAR.  Is a response to impending danger. A survival mechanism that is a reaction to some negative stimulus. The secondary emotion is nervousness and the tertiary emotions include anxiety, distress, tenseness, worry.  Another secondary emotion is horror with tertiary emotions of alarm, fright, horror, hysteria, panic,  shock and terror.

ANGER. is evoked due to injustice, conflict, humiliation, negligence  or betrayal. If it's active individual attacks the target. Secondary emotions here can be rage, disgust and irritation.

SADNESS.  is related to a feeling of loss and disadvantage. May lead to depression.person will be quiet, less energetic and withdrawn to self. Includes agony, hurt and anguish

JOY or happiness has shades of enjoyment, satisfaction and pleasure.one gets a sense of well-being, inner peace, love, safety and contentment. Here there is both positive thinking  and positive activities. Cheerfulness, happiness and jubilation.

LOVE.  arises from  a feeling of profound oneness. Can be romantic, religious of family ,Friendship and philanthropy (charity work)

okay.. Now that we have our emotions we shall move on to why we need to be emotionally intelligent

WHY SHOULD WE IMPROVE OUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

1.Success is strongly influenced by personal traits like perseverance, self control and skill in getting along with others. Having a higher EI (managing our emotions)  makes us better team players, be more flexible in life

2. Leads to increased self confidence and self esteem because u invest in self discovery and learn to manage ur feelings better

3.helps you handle stress better because emotionally intelligent people know what to get stressed over, what do u do about it and how long to be stressed it

4. helps you adapt more easily to change especially in the modern working environment where change is constant

5.helps you communicate more effectively

helps you form and maintain interpersonal relationships, leading to a more fulfilling social life and a more successful professional life

7.makes you a better leader

These are some of the reasons a colleague shared with me how emotional intelligence is very important in leadership 👉🏾  stay turned tomorrow I will share with you.

Regards,
Positive consultation team
Think positive, live better

By Mark Manson 

Dou Really Want To Be A Rockstar?

Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.

Everyone would like that — it’s easy to like that.

If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous that it doesn’t even mean anything.

We all dream of having it all but not the struggle it takes to get there.

Nothing Comes For Free

A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.

Everybody wants to have an incredible job and financial independence — but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes and obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.

Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship — but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional drama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they ask, “What was that for?” If not for their lowered standards and expectations for themselves 20 years prior, then what for?

People settle for relationships and careers and then wonder where it all went wrong.

Happiness Requires Struggle

Because happiness requires struggle. You can only avoid pain for so long before it comes roaring back to life.

At the core of all human behavior, the good feelings we all want are more or less the same. Therefore what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing to sustain.

People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.

People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.

People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It’s part of the game of love. You can’t win if you don’t play.

Sticking your head in the sand doesn’t take the hardship away.

The Quality of Negative Experiences

What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.

There’s a lot of crappy advice out there that says, “You’ve just got to want it enough!”

Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something enough. They just aren’t aware of what it is they want, or rather, what they want “enough”.

Because if you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the beach body, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of stepping on other people.

If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting it. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.

Are you willing to work to make what you want a reality even if it’s painful?

A Life-Changing Question

Sometimes I ask people, “How do you choose to suffer?” These people tilt their heads and look at me like I have twelve noses. But I ask because that tells me far more about you than your desires and fantasies. Because you have to choose something. You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns. And ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?

Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?

That answer will actually get you somewhere. It’s the question that can change your life. It’s what makes me, me, and you, you. It’s what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.

For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician — a rock star, in particular. Any badass guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage playing it to the screams of the crowd, people absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger-noodling. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. But even then it was never a question of if I’d ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when. I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then…and then nothing.

Childhood dreams don’t come true unless you put in the work to make it happen.

Reality Check

Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why: I didn’t actually want it.

I was in love with the result — the image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into what I’m playing — but I wasn’t in love with the process. And because of that, I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn’t even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.

The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit. The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It’s a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.

Our culture would tell me that I’ve somehow failed myself, that I’m a quitter or a loser. Self-help would say that I either wasn’t courageous enough, determined enough or I didn’t believe in myself enough. The start-up crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning. I’d be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.

Do you enjoy the climb or do you just want to be at the top?

Choose Your Struggles

But the truth is far less interesting than that: I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story.

I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.

Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long work weeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.

This is not a call for willpower or “grit.” This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain”.

This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. So choose your struggles wisely, my friend.

Read Next: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

How do you feel about this article? Join the conversation.

Words By Mark Manson

Originally posted on Mark Manson

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Join the Conversation

12 Comments on "The Most Important Question Of Your Life"

newestoldestmost voted

Ma'ruf Syafi'i

i like this. thank’s 

0  REPLY

1 year ago

Pearl Lyon

What if you don’t enjoy the starving artist life, but are willing to endure it? Because I do not enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of it, but I keep at it even when I don’t. It’s not pain I want, it’s just pain I consider worth it to endure…even though it is excruciating…but the pain of living a life without music, just clocking in to some job I don’t care about so I can Keep up with my Netflix account…that is not pain I’m willing to endure ever again.

0  REPLY

1 year ago

Rob

Well said!

0  REPLY

1 year ago

sbjani2006

Wonderful article. It reflects point by point – my own thought process.
And I love the conclusion . Love the process – not the reward.
That is what Bhagwad Gita – a Hindu scripture says.

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते, मा फलेषू कदाच ।

Which translates into ..You have a right to DO not for what you GET.

I will quote this article on my blog in an article in my language – Gujarati.

0  REPLY

1 year ago

sbjani2006

Here is the post on my Gujarati blog –

https://gadyasoor.wordpress.com/2016/12/08/uplift-2/

0  REPLY

1 year ago

Raymund Turner

Hell, the article really jolts you into being realistic. Really, no pain and no gain in a nutshell. I like the article for its realism, teaching the reader to be practical and no day-dreaming. Thanks

0  REPLY

1 year ago

Dennis P. Cromwell. D.C.

This is the first “honest” look at goals I have ever read. I know of only one other person, Dick Sutphen, who has said for decades that there is a price for the things we want in life which can be time, money, effort, going back to school, giving up a social life – reaching goals requires struggles and missteps and commitment. A VERY well put article.

0  REPLY

1 year ago

SarynDip

Beautifully Said!! Truth!!

0  REPLY

1 year ago

Rob

Interesting viewpoint. The way it works in reality is: if you really want something enough, you will not only endure the pain, you will learn to love it. The dream motivates you enough to keep going no matter what. And if you really want that dream, you will love whatever it is you need to go through to get there. Because success is a journey my friend, not a pain you have to endure. Or you can make an excuse that it is too hard, let fear stop you again and then back it up with

I think this is basically what they are saying. The thing is (using the author’s example), the people who end up being really great musicians are the ones who want to play every day, who don’t see it as a chore they have to do to fulfil their dream of being a good player but something they get joy from even when they’re not that good. I once heard about a famous

By Mark Manson 

Dou Really Want To Be A Rockstar?

Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.

Everyone would like that — it’s easy to like that.

If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous that it doesn’t even mean anything.

We all dream of having it all but not the struggle it takes to get there.

Nothing Comes For Free

A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.

Everybody wants to have an incredible job and financial independence — but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes and obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.

Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship — but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional drama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they ask, “What was that for?” If not for their lowered standards and expectations for themselves 20 years prior, then what for?

People settle for relationships and careers and then wonder where it all went wrong.

Happiness Requires Struggle

Because happiness requires struggle. You can only avoid pain for so long before it comes roaring back to life.

At the core of all human behavior, the good feelings we all want are more or less the same. Therefore what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing to sustain.

People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.

People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.

People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazing without appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It’s part of the game of love. You can’t win if you don’t play.

Sticking your head in the sand doesn’t take the hardship away.

The Quality of Negative Experiences

What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.

There’s a lot of crappy advice out there that says, “You’ve just got to want it enough!”

Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something enough. They just aren’t aware of what it is they want, or rather, what they want “enough”.

Because if you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the beach body, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of stepping on other people.

If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting it. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.

Are you willing to work to make what you want a reality even if it’s painful?

A Life-Changing Question

Sometimes I ask people, “How do you choose to suffer?” These people tilt their heads and look at me like I have twelve noses. But I ask because that tells me far more about you than your desires and fantasies. Because you have to choose something. You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns. And ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?

Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?

That answer will actually get you somewhere. It’s the question that can change your life. It’s what makes me, me, and you, you. It’s what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.

For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician — a rock star, in particular. Any badass guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage playing it to the screams of the crowd, people absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger-noodling. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. But even then it was never a question of if I’d ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when. I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then…and then nothing.

Childhood dreams don’t come true unless you put in the work to make it happen.

Reality Check

Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why: I didn’t actually want it.

I was in love with the result — the image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into what I’m playing — but I wasn’t in love with the process. And because of that, I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn’t even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.

The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit. The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It’s a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.

Our culture would tell me that I’ve somehow failed myself, that I’m a quitter or a loser. Self-help would say that I either wasn’t courageous enough, determined enough or I didn’t believe in myself enough. The start-up crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning. I’d be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.

Do you enjoy the climb or do you just want to be at the top?

Choose Your Struggles

But the truth is far less interesting than that: I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story.

I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.

Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long work weeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.

This is not a call for willpower or “grit.” This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain”.

This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. So choose your struggles wisely, my friend.

Read Next: To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

How do you feel about this article? Join the conversation.

Words By Mark Manson

Originally posted on Mark Manson

RELATED

Buddha’s Keys to Unlocking Change in your Life

30 Things About Life I Wish I Had Known 10 Years Ago

Navigating Life

FEATURED

How to Use Your Unconscious Mind to Achieve Your Goals

Why We Shouldn’t Name the Shooter

Seven Reasons to Celebrate Being Single

POPULAR

1

Lao Tzu’s Four Rules for Living

2

Six Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think are Toxic

3

Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

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12 Comments on "The Most Important Question Of Your Life"

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Ma'ruf Syafi'i

i like this. thank’s 

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1 year ago

Pearl Lyon

What if you don’t enjoy the starving artist life, but are willing to endure it? Because I do not enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of it, but I keep at it even when I don’t. It’s not pain I want, it’s just pain I consider worth it to endure…even though it is excruciating…but the pain of living a life without music, just clocking in to some job I don’t care about so I can Keep up with my Netflix account…that is not pain I’m willing to endure ever again.

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1 year ago

Rob

Well said!

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1 year ago

sbjani2006

Wonderful article. It reflects point by point – my own thought process.
And I love the conclusion . Love the process – not the reward.
That is what Bhagwad Gita – a Hindu scripture says.

कर्मण्येवाधिकारस्ते, मा फलेषू कदाच ।

Which translates into ..You have a right to DO not for what you GET.

I will quote this article on my blog in an article in my language – Gujarati.

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1 year ago

sbjani2006

Here is the post on my Gujarati blog –

https://gadyasoor.wordpress.com/2016/12/08/uplift-2/

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1 year ago

Raymund Turner

Hell, the article really jolts you into being realistic. Really, no pain and no gain in a nutshell. I like the article for its realism, teaching the reader to be practical and no day-dreaming. Thanks

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1 year ago

Dennis P. Cromwell. D.C.

This is the first “honest” look at goals I have ever read. I know of only one other person, Dick Sutphen, who has said for decades that there is a price for the things we want in life which can be time, money, effort, going back to school, giving up a social life – reaching goals requires struggles and missteps and commitment. A VERY well put article.

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1 year ago

SarynDip

Beautifully Said!! Truth!!

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1 year ago

Rob

Interesting viewpoint. The way it works in reality is: if you really want something enough, you will not only endure the pain, you will learn to love it. The dream motivates you enough to keep going no matter what. And if you really want that dream, you will love whatever it is you need to go through to get there. Because success is a journey my friend, not a pain you have to endure. Or you can make an excuse that it is too hard, let fear stop you again and then back it up with

I think this is basically what they are saying. The thing is (using the author’s example), the people who end up being really great musicians are the ones who want to play every day, who don’t see it as a chore they have to do to fulfil their dream of being a good player but something they get joy from even when they’re not that good. I once heard about a famous